Archive for March, 2011


Suffering

Dear friends,

Many terrible things have happened in the world the past couple days, most notably the earthquake in Japan. Unfortunately, it is very annoying to try to blog from my phone and my hard drive decided to die yesterday. Therefore, I ask you to pray, meditate, send positive energy, whatever you do in your spiritual practice for all the people who are suffering this weekend in Japan, Hawaii, Libya, Iran, Afghanistan, Egypt, Iraq, New Zealand, Wisconsin, and all around the world. We often forget that when something stops being headline news people are still there suffering. So I may be off the grid for a while, but until next time, remember all those who are suffering.

Day 1

Today was the day one of forty days of trying to experience the Christian God the way my faithful friends do.  Unfortunately, there is this constant nagging in the back of my mind that this is somehow completely inappropriate considering I’m not quite sure where I stand on the issue.  I do sincerely believe that walking in another’s shoes is the quickest and most efficient way of understanding where they are coming from, and I suppose that is what this is.

 

Admittedly, this whole experiment is a huge challenge.  I worry a lot!  It is often the essence of who I am, as a result, I caught myself worrying a lot today.  Instead of beating myself up over this, which I figured would be counterproductive; I said a little prayer and continued on with my day, and it was a pretty good day considering I’m still sick.

 

Tomorrow will be the real test of my commitment to giving up my worries because I have to get some testing done to find out if I have to get surgery.  So far, I have done pretty well not worrying about it.  If it happens, then it happens and I will deal with it.  Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to drop a class I was too sick to attend; now it appears my professor is willing to work with me.  I’m getting caught up in my language class and even if I have to get the operation, my professor is willing to work with me.   It was all better than I could hope for.

 

The only thing I had hoped to do that I did not was attending an Ash Wednesday service.  I slept most of the afternoon and did not have time to find one.  The way I see it though, I am making an effort to reconnect with the God of my youth, and if this is going to work, I have to believe that he understands that I was too sick to go.  If my professors can forgive me for missing class because of my illness, I don’t think the creator of the universe will smite me for missing church for the same reason.  That being said, I haven’t really decided if part of this 40 days shouldn’t include weekly church attendance.  I’m still struggling to figure out the spiritual components of this experiment.  Any suggestions are welcome.

 

Letting Go

Hello again readers.  My apologies for not having written sooner, I have been suffering from some health issues that do not seem to be letting up.

For those of you who don’t know, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent.  While Lent may not seem very exciting, this year I am going to use it to challenge myself and my view of the world.  As I said in an earlier post, I am not completely comfortable calling myself a Christian.  I believe in a higher power, but am not ready to commit to the Christian God.  That being said, I have spent the last year or so wavering between agnosticism and atheism, and not believing in anything is not working for me either.  So this Lent I am challenging myself to let go of my worries and turn them over to God, no questions asked.  You see, I am a big worrier.  I like to be in control of everything, and when I am not I get really stressed out. This has taken a toll on my health in the past few years.  It is time to make a change.

I find faith to be a nearly impossible concept.  How do you just accept that someone that you can’t see is going to help you through the hard times?  While both of these things challenge me, I think this is an opportunity for me to find out more about myself and maybe find out that there is a reason to have faith.  I will try and post every few days about the progress of this experiment with the tag #lent, but given my current health concerns, it may not be as frequent as I would like.  Until then, enjoy “Dead Inside” by Skillet