Today was the day one of forty days of trying to experience the Christian God the way my faithful friends do.  Unfortunately, there is this constant nagging in the back of my mind that this is somehow completely inappropriate considering I’m not quite sure where I stand on the issue.  I do sincerely believe that walking in another’s shoes is the quickest and most efficient way of understanding where they are coming from, and I suppose that is what this is.


Admittedly, this whole experiment is a huge challenge.  I worry a lot!  It is often the essence of who I am, as a result, I caught myself worrying a lot today.  Instead of beating myself up over this, which I figured would be counterproductive; I said a little prayer and continued on with my day, and it was a pretty good day considering I’m still sick.


Tomorrow will be the real test of my commitment to giving up my worries because I have to get some testing done to find out if I have to get surgery.  So far, I have done pretty well not worrying about it.  If it happens, then it happens and I will deal with it.  Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to drop a class I was too sick to attend; now it appears my professor is willing to work with me.  I’m getting caught up in my language class and even if I have to get the operation, my professor is willing to work with me.   It was all better than I could hope for.


The only thing I had hoped to do that I did not was attending an Ash Wednesday service.  I slept most of the afternoon and did not have time to find one.  The way I see it though, I am making an effort to reconnect with the God of my youth, and if this is going to work, I have to believe that he understands that I was too sick to go.  If my professors can forgive me for missing class because of my illness, I don’t think the creator of the universe will smite me for missing church for the same reason.  That being said, I haven’t really decided if part of this 40 days shouldn’t include weekly church attendance.  I’m still struggling to figure out the spiritual components of this experiment.  Any suggestions are welcome.