Category: Paganism


I feel the magick in my veins
It follows me even when I stray
Its with me everywhere I go
A fiery companion of my soul

Crystal Dreamgazer 2014, All Rights Reserved

photo credit: Frances Lane via photopin cc


In Dreams We Find



I just awoke from a very strange dream, but it is a dream I feel is trying to tell me something.  I was in a dark cave with a couple of people.  They had Biblical concordances, and they were trying to prove to me that other gods or goddesses are not mentioned in the Bible and therefore there are no other deities.  Everything they showed me continued to convince me that not only were other gods mentioned in the Bible, but they were real.  I just knew deep down that their God wasn’t the only one.  What I didn’t know is what this meant for me.

When I got up, I picked up a Biblical concordance and the first thing I found was an article about Artemis, who was worshipped by the Ephesians.  I have always felt a close affinity to Artemis, so I found this to be really quite fascinating.  The article claims that Artemis worship died out, and that no one worships her now.  This is not true.  I have found a number of Artemis worshipers throughout my life, but I am certain that when this article was written you could only have found them if you knew what you were looking for.

In fact, what I found makes no indication that the other gods and goddesses worshipped by other regions in Biblical times weren’t real, but rather that the Hebrew God was jealous and did not want his followers to worship anyone else.  From an anthropological/folklore standpoint, I would argue it is unlikely that anyone writing the Bible would have been willing to claim the other gods and goddesses simply did not exist, something I hear often from modern Christians.  Their argument that not only is there God superior to other gods, other gods simply do not exist.  If they did then people would still worship them.  I think this ignores the actual history of the Western World where people even under suspicion of worshiping another god would have been put to death.  Worship of any other deity would have gone underground.  It simply wasn’t safe, much in the same way that it isn’t particularly safe to be a Christian in Sudan.

From a scientific standpoint, I can neither prove nor disprove the existence of the divine.  I have had experiences that indicate to me that magick is real.  My first inclination of this was actually at church camp in fourth grade.  We did light as a feather stiff as a board in the cabin under the leadership of our camp counselor.  I do not remember if the girl actually levitated, but I do remember feeling something was very strong in the room with us.  It was rather incredible.

I think my subconscious is trying to figure out whether any sort of divinity is real, and I still am falling on the side of yes.  Is there just one Christian God?  I don’t know.  The Bible seems to indicate that not only are there other gods, but humans have a tendency to idolize things.  Are there two aspects of one god as suggested by some Wiccans?  It seems possible to me, though the goddess-focused Earth-based spiritual movement beyond Wicca is in many ways a response to the patriarchal rule of Christians.  This doesn’t invalidate the importance of this worship; however, it could explain why there are many groups who ignore male deities entirely.

I have spent my whole spiritually conscious life oscillating between Paganism and Christianity.  I believe this is because of several issues:

  1. My mother is very strongly convinced of her God’s powers and constantly forces me to evaluate my beliefs.  I think this is actually a very good thing because unlike many people I have to justify my beliefs.  As an intellectual, I dislike the idea of blind faith; therefore, I find this to be very useful.
  2. Sometimes I just want to fit in.  The majority of my family, my boyfriend, and the majority of the people in the United States are Christian, so I begin to question my feelings on God every so often.
  3. I always end up back at Paganism because I haven’t had that moment of spiritual conversion to Christianity.  Some Christians argue that I’m trying to make God do all the work, but I struggle to believe that trying daily prayers and asking for help from their deity is me not trying hard enough.  Something is missing.
  4. I also end up back at Paganism because I am a scientist and most apologists I have struggled through either reject my field of science entirely, or pick and choose what parts to accept.  This doesn’t work for me.
  5. I end up back at Christianity because while blind faith is thoroughly unappealing to me, I find faith in general to be beautiful.  I like to see people who have experienced something so deeply that it means everything to them.
  6. I ask a lot of questions and hold my beliefs up to a high level of scrutiny.  Some things about spirituality, I suspect, cannot be explained by science at the level it is at now, and so I end up trying to make sense of what I know in terms of the faith I am not following at the time.

So I suppose I will continue to oscillate until I either become an Atheist, have a conversion experience, or accept my Paganism aha moment as the foundational moment for understanding the spiritual realm for me.


“I was born on the night of Samhain, when the barrier between the worlds is whisper-thin and when magic, old magic, sings its heady and sweet song to anyone who cares to hear it.”
― Carolyn MacCullough, Once a Witch

I was born on the night of Samhain. My mom prayed hard that I wouldn’t be born on my due date, Halloween, though I am not really sure why. I love Halloween. That is probably part of the reason I have spent the better part of the last decade as part of the Pagan community.

When I was 14, I read Silver Ravenwolf’s Teen Witch. I was on a trip to the Oregon Coast with my sister and her family. My niece’s friend had brought the book. I think it was supposed to be forbidden, but after the first chapter I was hooked. I cast several spells while on the trip. Since then I have read pretty much any book on magick I can get my hands on.

With one exception, I have no regrets about any spell I have ever cast. While they didn’t always turn out the way it hoped, nothing disastrous has ever occurred. I have learned to see the magic in nature, which my Christian friends inform me is God. My Pagan friends would likely agree, though their gods are many.

My mom thinks I believe in the wormhole aliens from DS9.  She had asked if I somehow have projected my beliefs into outer-space. This is not the case, though I am considering the possibility that gods are also supernatural extraterrestrial beings.

I see many similarities in the way Pagans practice their religion and in the way Christians practice their religion. For example, the other day I was told by Christian to open the Bible to a random page, there I would find my answer. Pagans call this divination. It isn’t really all that different from drawing a random Tarot card, or opening up to a random page of any old book. It is predicated on the belief that at random we can find answers.

A friend of mine suggested that this works because in fact because we are part of the God and goddess. We already know the answer, we just need assistance recognize it. Scientists would argue this is just a self-fulfilling prophecy. We don’t know anything, we simply react to what we see and assume that it is true, bringing about the intended result.

Similarly, prayer and spell casting are very similar. When I do a spell, I’m essentially putting out energy into the universe asking for an intended result. If it works the universe agreed to my request. If it didn’t then nothing happens. When you pray, you ask for an intended results. If your prayers answered that it is well but the will of God, if it is not God simply didn’t want it to happen. Of course, this is a massive oversimplification of both magic and prayer.

Science has shown that the universe is both complicated and beautiful. This may be one of the few things that all religions could agree upon. The difference I find, as the some religions rely so deeply on faith, that they fail to be able to see what is in front of them. Science can be eloquently demonstrated, but means nothing to them. This simply makes no sense to me. I am willing to consider opposing viewpoints, but I struggle to understand why someone who would reject what they see in order to cling to an unseen.  This is why I struggle to wrap my head around faith.